CHAPTER ONE: IN THE BEGINNING
"In the beginning," articulated the revered evangelical
Billy Bob Righteous on the Billy Bob Righteous Hour of Collection, "there
was no eekaboka. There was no thing that looked like Grover. No magical
bannana peel. All that is heathen lies, heathen lies by the dark lord of
lying a lot, perpetuated by those people . . . . those music-making people.
Bands like A Bunch of Ordinary Bums and Al Phlipp & The Woo Team . .
. They are the tools of the Duke of Darkness! And I want to protect you
from them. I want to burn their albums! But to burn them, I need to buy
them. Lots of them. And that takes money. Send your donation today, or Al
Phlipp may make your child the pawn of evil-heathen rock & roll demons!"
The watch Al Phlipp Wore to Remind himself to always be happy. And yellow.
And restrained on either side of his head by a leather strap.
Before there was Al, of course, there was Trash-that early, historic, pioneering
cutting-edge industrial atonal band that gave the world hits like "I
Love my Truck" and "A Thousand Afros" and other similar classics.
Trash, made up of Jon Taylor, Christian Phipps, Damon Purdy, and various
and sundry others such as Steve Taylor and Mark Wilson, was an instant hit
smash all around the block.
Chris and Jon at early paparazzi photo-op for first doomed music group
With endearing monikers like Beercan, Gladbag, Potato Chip and Ashtray,
Trash was a darling of the critics, but only regionally popular. This difficulty
breaking into the mainstream combined with bitter conflicts over who got
to be called Ashtray and who would be called Potato Chip, and the purchase
of their first real musical instrument (a Casiotone), Trash came to an end
and the members agreed to disband peacefully.
The ex-members of Trash got back together and formed a new group that afternoon,
called Skidzo, but Skidzo barely lasted an album before, again, internal
arguments (this time over about who had the fat lip, and why Mark Wilson
liked to smell his own farts) led to the band's inevitable breakup.
And that was when Al happened.
Jon tells ace-reporter Dominic Dambro where to get off (and explains that
he doesn't look anything like Steve Perry) by exhibiting an enlightened
state of Phlipness.
Stacey thought Kevin Was a Retarded hunk of moldy cheese and really, really
wanted him to stop with the picture-taking thing. But that was not the way
of Phlipp! Legal trouble ensued.
Christian Phipps and Jon Taylor joined forces yet again, and this time with
startling and blinding success. Initiating their incredible career with
the ultimate band identity song ("Well, We Are Called the Woo Team"),
Al Phlipp and the Woo Team was born.
In the early years, John and Chris worked not just with familiars Mark Wilson,
Damon Purdy, Steve Taylor, and Tommy Martin, but with all sorts of other
goofballs, like Dominic Dambro, Don Perry, Pointless Hobo, Xanthan Gum,
Ah Toe (Jon Taylor's personal Skudzitshu trainer), Listless Cows, Dorsel
Finn and some big tall guy named Tim.
Then, Jon met Kevin.
End Chapter One
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